The Mildly Alarming Podcast
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Two amateur board game designers; two microphones; two tall Gin & Tonics. We discuss games we like, games we hate, design ideas, and what it's like to live with a giant spider in a cabin in rural Wisconsin.

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    88 | Mayonnaiser and Mayonnaiser

    This is an episode of the podcast. It has a first segment, and a second segment. There are also some funny joke commercials. Please enjoy responsibly.

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    87 | How to Train Your Broccoli

    This week, in the book review segment of their board game podcast, the boys review a video game. Because we live in a world of uncertainty, and you could die at any second. LIKE RIGHT NOW! Or maybe a different second. Watch out.

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    86 | Knight of the Elephant Mage: Library Edition

    Q: When is a Mage also a Knight. A: Only when you can Ranged Attack 3 by using a white mana token on your Swiftness card to knock out a werehorse before it can kick you. That's right, kids: we talk about Mage Knight this week, and then have another round of Elephant v. Library. Adventure! Excitement! Hot, creamy dog barf! The Mildly Alarming Podcast.

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    85 | Things We Like

    Well, the boys are at it again as they talk about what happens when you click Like buttons (goblins steal your shoes) and also what happens when you combine Settlers of Catan with Time n' Space (goblins return your shoes). Really, the whole thing was just an experiment to figure out what goblins do sometimes. Also: broccoli.

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    84 | What Possum?

    Apparently Tom has given up on writing these episode summaries, so I'm just going to put the lyrics to Hocus Pocus by Focus.

    Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi
    Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh!
    Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi
    Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh!
    Oooooh-oooooh-oooooh-oooooh...

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    83 | Burn Before Reading

    This week the boys review Lev Grossman's "The Magicians" and have so much to say it takes up the whole hour, and then some! Do you think they liked it? You'll have to listen to find out. (Hint: They did not.)

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    82 | Das Theaternachten III: Nacht dur Grundlefruder

    You know what we all need, in these days of strife and weirdness? A happy little night at the theater. You know, some men go on a stage and make sounds, we eat the corn that has popped, some other men put bags on our heads and spirit us away in a black van to wile away our days digging up soup in the soup mines. You know. Normal stuff. Stuff that is in no way weird. Totally. Normal. Stuff.

    Also, and this is just an experiment: Broccoli. Broccoli. Brocc. O. Li.

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    81 | Broccoloccoloccoli

    The boys triumphantly return to talk about alliances for a while: how they work, what they are, and whether or not they qualify for federal subsidies under the Board Game Development and Redistribution Act. Then they're off to a magical land of pony and dog shows to talk about some other things. Plus a guy named Larry Mayonnaise and the hottest review show on YouTube.

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    80 | Calapiller

    This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, your hosts review Knot Dice, the new game from Black Oak Games. They also completely fail to avoid the insipid "Knot/Not" joke, and thus consign themselves to comedy hell. Then it's time once again to ball a few themes with Themeballin'. Plus an ad for some sort of animal, and a visit from your favorite news team. Don't miss it!

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    79 | Never Make a Better Wizard

    This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, we talk all about a game that Tom played at an office Christmas party, and how it might be made more gamerly. Also, it's our Christmas spectacular this week, with a very special Mildly Alarming Theater, and an advertisement from an actual saint.

    Also something about walruses. Don't miss it!

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    78 | The Final Clowntdown

    Once upon a time, Johannes and Tom's friend Devan said "hey guys, give me some of your money and I'll pay a man to lock us in a room where we have to solve puzzles in order to get out." And they did, and it turned out to be a heck of a good time and not, say, a front for illegal organ harvesters. They tell you all about it on this episode of the podcast, and then talk about elephants and libraries. Welcome, friend!

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    77 | The Podcasatriliadyssey

    Sing, O goddess, the folly of the Mildly Alarming Podcast / that brought countless ills upon the nerds who made it. / Many a brave soul did it send smacking hand to forehead / and also side to side shaking the craggy brows. / For so were the councils of Jove fulfilled that day, when first the Ger-Man, Johannes, did go upon the internet with the Wee Little Ginger One.

    (This episode brought to you by Homer's "The Iliad," available where fine Greek epics are sold)

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    76 | Arguments, but Friendly Like, But Not Really

    Gather around a serious table with all the other serious people to talk about serious things. Then retire to your serious room at the serious conference to tell all of your serious friends about how you lied at the other thing. In case you don't get my elaborate reference to the Treaty of Versailles: this week we talk about negotiation in games! It's fun! Also the triumphant return of Board Game Smasharama, and some other stuff probbably. I dunno. Johannes was standing on my throat while I wrote this.

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    75 | Barnyard Antics

    The boys become obsessed with a new hashtag this week while simultaneously hoping that it doesn't turn out to be something disgusting. They talk about the difficulty of designing with tiny amounts of components, mock people who play bass, and make jokes about cattle in wedding dresses. Plus a message from your favorite news team and something about science. Adventure! Excitement! Jokes that in retrospect probably aren't ok! The Mildly Alarming Podcast!

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    BONUS | Breaking Election News

    Maybe dumb jokes will take the edge off that whole election thing? Maybe? We made some. Enjoy them! Also please don't put is in jail, Donald Trump.

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    74 | Extreme Moisture Boat

    Do you like submarines? We like submarines. And by that we mean board games where you drive submarines around, because real submarines involve being under the water for months with a bunch of sweaty sailors and probably smell, just, SO BAD by the time your cruise is done. You gotta really want to be in a submarine under those circumstances. Plus Mildly Alarming Theater and also other things!

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    73 | Chipisode III: Return of the Beauvais

    Chip Beauvais emerges from his eons-long entombment in our green room this week to rule for a thousand years and also to tell us about his new game, Universal Rule. Plus a discussion of indy RPG "Everyone is John," adds for agricultural and laundry products, and Johannes sticks his hand in a blender for 45 straight minutes. Don't miss it!

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    72 | Krokorok, Pelipper, Scizor

    Tom didn't write anything here even though it's LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB HE HAS ON THE PODCAST. So I guess I have to tell you that this episode is about how to commit the perfect murder with everyday objects you might find lying about . Y'know, rocks, paper, scissors - that sort of thing. Then we talk about clowns for awhile, which is neat.

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    71 | Occidental Disorientation

    The boys stumble and bumble their way through a discussion of the etymology of "The Orient" this week, followed by a little recreational themeball, only those things happened in the opposite order in reality land. Plus the latest news from Mildly Alarming Radio News, and a special message from one of our other sponsors that I'm not going to tell you about. I have that kind of power.

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    70 | Oh the Humanatee

    Tonight, the Mildly Alarming Podcast doles out harsh truths about Trivial Pursuit, strange truths about Gary Smoolihan, and awkward truths about their own interior lives (spoiler alert: they like farting and butts). Plus commercials for leopards, a visit from a guy called Joe, and references to Star Trek. But WHICH Star Trek? You're going to have to read on to find out! (It's Enterprise)

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    69 | BattleShifts

    Have you ever wondered what Battleship would be like if it wasn't like the way it is? Well, you're in for a treat today, friend, because the boys spend a solid quarter of this episode talking about ways that Battleship could be different from the way that it is so that it could be better maybe. Plus a discussion of Star Trek, the ramblings of an old woman, the cleaning of jungle cats, and a review of the (spoiler alert) excellent graphic novel Nimona by Noelle Stevenson.

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    68 | Sick Die Roll, Bruh

    Can you flick a die off the back of your hand while hopskotching, shoot it under a leg, have it bounce off the door, onto the table, into Gary's mouth, out his second mouth, and have it land exactly where you want it? No? Then we absolutely want you for our Dungeon Fighter review. Plus commercials involving jungle cats, sticky balls of rich, lustrous theme, and a hit new crime drama.

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    67 | Karf! Karf karf! Karf!

    This week's podcast is largely just us talking about a different episode of a different podcast which aired over two years ago. Because we are professionals. But stay tuned after that for the announcement of an exciting new product from the makers of your favorite sweet-and-savory dessert pastry, and also a new Mildly Alarming Theatre. About liver! It's an action-packed episode! And by "action" we mean "meat products".

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    66 | This is Where You Get Your Kicks At

    Protospiel has come and gone again, and the boys talk about what they saw, the feedback they got, and how John "The Iron Lion" Chaffer suplexed thirty men and one musk ox through a brewery floor. We didn't enter this year's Protospiel Rasslin' Championship, but after seeing that musk ox plummet into the depths of hell, we're kinda glad we didn't. Plus something about toilets, and a special message from astronaut Vic Chefterly.

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    65 | Interview with the Axe Cop Guy (Not a Vampire)

    Through a combination of dark magic, enormous bags filled with hard cash, and shameless begging, your hosts land an interview with Ethan Nicolle, author of Axe Cop, Bearmageddon, and a bunch of other rad stuff. We talk about drawing pictures, writing stories, and then get interrupted by either ravenous bears or the wrath of God (it's unclear). Plus ads for a boarding school, and a special message from a Pacific rim nation.

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    64 | The Calm Before the [Game Design] Storm

    The boys are SO PUMPED for the upcoming Protospiel game convention that they just have to spill all of their secrets onto the internet for every rival game designer to steal. So enjoy that, rival game designers! Plus commercials for two other shows, and Tom possibly getting his stupid ass fired from the job that pays his rent. He's real dumb.

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    63 | Better Safe Than Racist

    It's funny, because there's definitely audio attached, but neither of us has any recollection of making it. That means we don't have any responsibility for the content, right? We're gonna go with right. None of this is our fault, and we can't, say, have all of our assets frozen for putting it on the internet. Really, isn't it YOUR fault for playing it in the first place? In this scenario, are you not, in fact, the villain?

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    62 | Play a Ham Like the Bongos

    Tonight on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, the boys discuss trading in games, and whether or not fistfuls of raw, unprocessed cash should constitute a valid means of interacting with other players. Then it's onward and upward when we take Risk and The Resistance and smash them together in our version of the Large Hadron Collider, which is just us talking on the internet, there are no hadrons. Plus an update on the finest sporting event known to man, and also something else. Podcasts!

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    61 | A Parliament of Snakes

    It's like this. You go down to the VFA and vote for a delegate. The delegate votes for an elector. The elector votes for a representative. The representative goes to a cabin. The cabin is in the woods. The woods take a poll of various dogs, foxes, and species of birds. The results are given to the representative, who reads them, and picks a snake. The snake is now in charge. It's not a great system, but it's the system we have. Enjoy the Mildly Alarming Podcast as your snake overlords decide who to constrict and devour first.

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    60 | Gotta Know When to Fold 'Em

    In a truly amazing feat, the lads managed to make it through an entire segment on casino games without once mentioning Kenny Rogers or his seminal song, "The Gambler." Their failure will surely be met by swift and savage retribution from the Kennocracy. If they don't hurry, they'll be taken via freight car to a Kenny Rogers Roasters, there to be Kenny Rogers Roasted.

    They, um, should probably stop typing this and start running. Anyway, the Mildly Alarming Podcast, everyone!

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    59 | Pretty Little Souped Up Four Wheel Drive

    See, the thing is, that two people build a thing together, and it's theirs. It doesn't belong to just one of them. They sit down to play a board game, and they agree to the rules, and then one of them is jim-jamming the cards, or frosting their dice, or some other rule-breaking crap. And what's the other one supposed to do? What do you do when somebody you trusted takes the whole thing and throws it in the trash? Destroy their car, clearly.

    This, ah, bit will make sense by the end of the episode. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

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    58 | Theatre II: Night of the Living Sasquatch

    I say, my good chap, how about lovely spot of the old theatre? Sit in a box, watch strumpets with an eyeglass, have a good harrumph. What say you, chap-chap? Perhaps a little skippty-toot? Tumtpy-boodle? Tut-tut, now!

    (Mildly Alarming Theater makes a triumphant return this week, as does "Tom writing a description guaranteed to make Johannes roar and foam at the mouth!)

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    57 | Mom! Kevin Won't Share His Delusion!

    Depending on your point of view, your noble hosts either review a game called PushFight and a book called City of Sand, or they're lizards. Not, like, lizard people who secretly control the Vatican through the mole-person banks on the moon, but just regular lizards. You know, basking in the sun, flicking their tongues in and out, sometimes biting people. Lizards.

    If, um, you want a decent podcast I'd pick the first one. Plus, it contains commercials for unhappy birds, and a visit from an old friend. From our perspective, you've already enjoyed it.

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    56 | High Art! And a Monkey!

    Your hosts delve into the higher forms of culture today, starting out with a discussion of acting in games and how that impacts the design process. Then get out your berets and turtlenecks and get ready to snap your fingers, smoke clove cigarettes, and get hit on by a guy named Carnival Moon, because it's Mildly Alarming Poetry Corner time. Plus a note on conservation, and a very real message from a very real astronaut.

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    55 | Serious Men

    Imagine your hosts, standing on a subway platform. Tom extends a hand to Johannes, who turns away. "No," he says. "You have written the bad story." Tom drops his hand. "But I thought it was the good story," he says. "And also we agree that board games are arts." Johannes turns away from the platform. "Go to your faraway place," he says. "Games are arts, but you have made me sad."

    I should mention that all of this was translated from The Mildly Alarming Anime. That probably would have made it make more sense. Anyway, it's all about games as art and asymmetric player powers this week. Plus an ad for (against?) vaccines, a Mildly Alarming Theater, and a note for new readers.

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    54 | OUTER FREAKING SPACE

    Ok, so, how this week's podcast works is that you have three actions points, and listening to any one ad or segment costs one point, so you can only listen to a few of them on your turn. One of the segments is about action points, the other is about liquor and weed, and the ads are for space men and wizards. I have a dollar; Johannes is made of old soap and doesn't read what I write here. Tom is dumb and doesn't check back on these after he writes them. Your plan?

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    53 | Architect vs. Architect: The Final Showdown

    We discuss our dads on this most auspicious Father's Day, and then learn after the fact that it isn't Father's Day, it's not even close, what the hell you guys. So we move on to do a review of Blueprints, which we like, and discuss team-on-team games, which we have not really experienced but think we might like if we were to find one. There's a break for the news, and a very special announcement related to Donald Trump's hands. Don't miss it!

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    52 | Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Spaceship

    An elephant visits the studio this week, but your glorious hosts ignore it to bring you only the finest in podcastery. First, we discuss the novel "The Light of the Fireflies" by Paul Pen in a new edition of Wrong About Books, and then we take our copies of Eclipse and Arkham Horror and smash them together until candy comes out. Plus adverts from the Jeremy's Own and Burpapolis corporations, and a discussion of Donald Trump's tiny hands (spoiler: they are little).

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    51 | Our Defective Brains

    Things get psychological in the studio as the boys admit the ways in which their brains don't work, and discuss how they work around the problem. Since neither suggests cutting out the gin & tonics, it seems to be a lost cause, but they soldier on to have a chat about an article on playtesting by Jessica Berlin of Galvanized Studios. Plus a Mildly Alarming PSA, and Johannes reveals his new side project.

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    50 | I Don't Even Know Anymore

    We talk about the fine line between tabletop RPGs and board games and then, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one show, we discuss how different games track the large amount of data that players are required to remember. Plus a message from Jerry Doodio and a spot of news from the world's only news network. Yes, only: the others are gone. We are you information source now. Obey. Obey. Obey.

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    49 | Winter Storm Kenneth

    Steampunk space travel rules the day as we review Mission: Red Planet. Then we kvetch about winter, or, more accurately, how other people experience winter. Will you feel the icy blast of Jack Frost's breath on your neck as we podcast? Probably not, since that isn't how computers work. But you will learn about a cure for a problem that you might have, and find out how the day ends at the Mildly Alarming Daycare.

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    48 | The Platonic Ideal of Pig Snacks

    Our hosts square off in an arena and argue about the quality of "The Just City," a novel about Platonism and menstruation by Jo Walton. Then they talk about Take That! mechanics in board games, because this is a board game podcast by board game designers about board games, you clowns. Yeesh.

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    47 | Plague Sun Rising - Wrath of the Mummy-King

    Well, it finally happened--the Mildly Alarming Podcast has sold out, and our new corporate overlords dictate our every word and move. Fortunately, said corporate overlords are the good people at NCBABPS-7, the channel that brings you Crime Mummy. Who's excited? This guy's excited, and that has absolutely nothing to do with generous financial contributions or suspiciously well-armed goons standing right behind me.

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    46 | The Chipisode 2: Electchip Beauvaisloo

    Chip Beauvais stops by to tell us about his latest invention, which slices, dices, chops, shreds, gets stains out of carpets, and gives you a warm, sunny feeling inside, the kind that's been absent since that one person left your life. You know who we're talking about. The one who could banish your fears and insecurities just by the way they stood at the counter while they cut up vegetables for the dinners you'll never share, oh God, oh God, how could it all have gone so wrong? Then it's on to a skit about death! Isn't this podcast about board games? Ha! No. It's about the grim fact of your mortality. THAT'S mildly alarming!

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    45 | Small, Thin Pancakes

    Have you played Citadels? We have, and we're going to tell you about it. What about Time & Space? We've played it to, and will inflict our opinions of it upon you. Have YOU made a game called Two-Headed Ogre? We made a game called Two-Headed Ogre, and now we're going to tell you about THAT. We're unstoppable telling-you-about-stuff MACHINES!

    ... love us...

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    44 | In the Time of the Ogre

    It's pandemonium as your hosts commit podcast by flowchart and talk about how ogres are kinda' chubby. Will segments about game length drag on entirely too long? Will Tom confess to accidentally shooting one of his college roommates? Will butt-chugging make a triumphant return? Most likely, but tune in anyway!

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    43 | Doot Doot Doody Doody Doot Doot

    Circuses! Nickleback! Airplanes crashing into turtles! Chaos ensues as the Mildly Alarming Podcast veers wildly between philosophy, lingusitics, medical-grade human crap, and subterfuge the goal of which is keeping away ladies of the evening, but whose actual result is merely a frightened dog. Why is the dog afraid? Why is the buffalo sad? Tune in to find out!

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    42 | Of Beasts and Breakfast Cereal

    After a brief vacation, the Mildly Alarming Boys come home to the studio rested, rejuvenated, and ready to say a bunch of dumb stuff. First, they take another swing at Hasbro (or maybe Parker Brothers) as they discuss what they might have done differently if they'd made Monopoly. Then it's on to a review of RARRR!!, a card game about giant monsters destroying cities. What do breakfast cereals have to do with it? Nothing. It was just a dumb joke for the title. Love us.

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    41 | A Mildly Alarming Christmas Spectacular

    The boys put on their Santa hats, jingle bells, and thigh-high leather gift-giving boots to bring to you the magic of their very own Christmas special. The first half deals with the tribulations of being and knowing board gamers around the holidays, while the second half... well, you'll just have to tune in to experience the splendid magic of the second half. Plus, a word from our sponsors, because Christmas is a capitalist shell-game. Oink oink, you bourgeoisie pigs.

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    40 | Even Numbered Episodes, Man

    Chaos ensues as the time streams fracture and characters from the past emerge to wreak havoc once more. Can our heroes prevent a rupturing of the fabric of the universe, and the rise of a new dark overlord? Or will they become distracted by words that sound funny and early-90s rap music, and doom us all? Probably the second one.

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    39 | But I Escaped 8 Dimensions Already!

    Johannes lures another game designer into our lair and we talk about him and his games. In this case, it's Corey Young and his game Gravwell, but, if Tom is to be believed, it's Chip Beauvais for a second time (Tom is dumb). Corey tells us all about his design process, his expansion plans, and about designing for colorblind players, proving once again that our show is immeasurably improved by adding somebody who knows what they're talking about.

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    38 | Adventures in Rap Music

    Those podcast boys are at it again, wandering off into the weeds to talk about Snoop Dogg before themeballin' a couple of games. Then it's time for a play and review of tiny little wallet game North, South, East, Quest. Will Juan Calvo find the taco truck man? Will he manage to make his rap dreams come true? Does Snoop Dogg descend in light and fury from a flaming chariot to put an end to this farce with divine fire and sic rhymes? Listen in to find out!

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    37 | From Podcast With Love

    Success! Triumph! Glorious victory. We talk about what makes for a good victory condition, whether or not degrees of victory matter, and also methods you can use to compress your computer files. Then it's on to a game review, where we report on the intelligence we gathered infiltrating spy-themed games [redacted] and Codenames. Yes, Madame Secretary, we got the facts. No, Madame Secretary, no entanglements or complications. The Ukrainian girl? No... just another face in the line of duty...

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    36 | Chittering Handfuls of Modular Dice

    Sometimes, a board game has a board that isn’t the same every time, and we ponder whether or not this is a good thing. Then it’s off to the races as we consider how different ways of determining statistically identical things might be different from one another. Plus advertisements for a local bar you’ll never go to and a device that guarantees your immediate death! The Mildly Alarming Podcast.

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    35 | Hasbro? More Like Hasbron't

    We wrap our meaty forearms around Hasbro’s torso, invert them, and administer a devastating suplex as we discuss the things we would’ve done differently had we made Risk. Then we booze the news, because Tom couldn’t be bothered to write a goofy script about farm animals who don’t understand modern banking. Plus burning goats, majestic hair, and the quivering muscles of a thousand hirsuit men. The Mildly Alarming Podcast!

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    34 | 2x Multipodcast Multiplier Extreme!

    The boys are thinkin’ Lincoln this week as they podcast from their new studio which is, inexplicably, inside a church. This leads into a partnership with the God Talk podcast, discussions of real-time games and player elimination, and a lengthy debate about Robin College, which is where certain types of birds go to learn about old books (No it isn’t—Ed.) Plus, an advertisement for meat and a reminder to be patriotic in the podcasts you listen to.

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    33 | TERRIBLE Podcast

    Programming games, unorthodox mechanics, and the Protestant Reformation. What more could you want?

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    32 | Eddies in the Space-Time Continuum

    This week - or is it last week? Or maybe next week? THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW! Whenever it happens, though, we sort of almost talk about microgames, and then we Booze with the News. And stay tuned to the end for a sneak peak at the upcoming season of Crime Mummy!

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    31 | SNAKES ON A PODCAST

    The boys start off by talking about that most lovely of events: the game day. Who to invite, what snacks to prepare, and where to bury the bodies of those who wronged you all feature heavily in this laugh-a-minute segment. Then it’s off to the races with a discussion of whether specific elements are better than generalized things. In general, they conclude that specific things are better, but in specific cases general things are superior. So nothing of value is said, nor is any conclusion reached.

    Par for the course, really.

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    30 | If We Knew What We Were Doing, This Would Be Better

    This week, everything goes wrong again. Apparently 32 episodes hasn't been enough time for us to figure this crap out. We talk about app integration in board games, the importance (or lack thereof) of component quality in game prototypes, and probably an unreasonable amount about poop. Don't act like you didn't expect it.

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    29 | A Night at the Theatre

    Grab your popcorn and a liter of Mountain Dew Slushy, 'cause it's time for an evening at the Mildly Alarming Theater. After last week's content-heavy episode, we figured we'd waste all of your time this week with a virtually content-free one. Keep an ear out for our special guest, AN ACTUAL TRAIN.

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    28 | Third Time's the Charm

    The universe conspires to keep us from talking about this incredibly important topic, but, after not one, but two podcast recording disasters, we finally got it down. Now, at long last, you can hear us completely rip off someone else's content for an hour as we discuss procrastination!

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    27 | y tho

    Engine Building, Eye of Argon, Soup, Spaceships, and hair/sandwich products. These are the clues - can you solve the mystery?

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    26 | Shriek of the Harpus

    For the first time ever, we allow other living beings to sit behind the mics with us and talk about... whatever it is that we talk about. First, a real live Harpy tells us about her disgusting cloaca, and then something called a Gobbo talks about Exploding Kittens. It's a real weird episode.

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    25 | The Chipisode

    This week! An interview with Chip Beauvais of Chroma Cubes fame about his new game, Smoke and Mirrors. Then we give our own review of Smoke and Mirrors and discuss our fear of Kickstarter. Gin is imbibed throughout, and Tom probably swallows loudly into the microphone at least once, because he is a monster.

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    24 | Featuring Shawn Konneree

    Johannes and Tom discuss their love of Arkham Horror after a not-so-brief foray into the world of people named Quaid. Why? We don't know either. Then, Mildly Alarming Theater returns with a segment featuring Shawn Konneree!

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    22 | They're Orange, You Know

    This week we talk about Rubber Duck Debugging as it applies to board games. Or, at least, we try to, and then devolve rapidly into a discussion about cloacae. Then Mildly Alarming Theater returns for a look into the life of a Presidential Biographer.

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    20 | Warhammer: Age of Broccoli

    A discussion of drastically simplified rules in games, with a focus on the new Warhammer: Age of Sigmar release. Also, Tom tells us how he really feels about Texas.

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    19 | HORSE WAR

    Mildly Alarming Theater returns! We also talk about Metagaming in the first half, and Tom monologues about the Fourth of July in the second while Johannes sits in relative silence. And we have a special prize for the first person who makes it through this week's advertisement without vomiting!

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    18 | Peristalsis (or The Creative Process)

    In this episode we discuss the Platonic Ideal of the Creative Process, and also how salty Play-Doh tastes. Wikisleuth returns to the podcast in the second segment, and Gary Smoolihan appears behind you and starts rubbing your shoulders just when you thought you could finally feel safe again in your own home.

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    17 | The Doody Saga: Legend of the Buttlog

    Doody. Caca. Number 2. Dooker. Chud. Fudge Dragon. Sewer Snake. Code Brown. Chocolate Turkey? Listen, we talk about poop a lot in this episode. We may also mention something about how number of players effects board games, but it's really mostly about Cocoa Pebbles.

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    16 | Fanciful Pat Adventures

    Who is Pat, and why are his adventures so very fanciful? Is this a new board game concept that the boys discuss on their board game podcast? Tune in this week to find out!

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    15 | ADHD is Contagious

    This week's episode might as well have been a recording of any one of our conversations, mics or no. Seriously, the dearth of actual content in this episode is appalling. Who is allowing us to put this stuff on the internet? Whatever agency is in charge of policing podcasts needs to get their act together. C'mon, people. This is getting ridiculous.

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    14 | Mad Max: Sagaland

    This week has it all! Epic tales of glory and adventure; grizzled men racing across an arid wasteland in search of gasoline; wife fights! You have to listen to experience it all. Do it! Do it now!

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    13 | Pictures of Animals

    This week, the boys make up for last week's content-heavy episode by following every single rabbit trail they possibly can. Wanna' hear about our asparagus pee? Then this is the episode for you! Briefly mentioned as well are the use of keywords and iconography in game design, and our review of Dog Might Games' Livestock Uprising.

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    12 | Cowboys and Germans

    Strap on your thinking caps and take your Ritalin, 'cause this one is content-heavy. First we talk about Hero, a pen-and-paper RPG we're working on. Then, we play a German board game where cowboys look for gold in a desert. Also, there is a dump truck.

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    11 | All About Hair

    Our dashing heroes take a detour from their usual topics to talk about hair. Johannes describes the regimen that produces his lustrous pelt, which includes no less than six lather and rinse cycles, while Tom tells an amusing anecdote about growing a beard. Then it's on to a list of the top ten best shampoo/conditioner combos, and finally the lads affirm that they are, in fact, Dapper Dan men. Also, briefly mentioned is the concept of luck mitigation in board gaming.

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    10 | Treachery of the Highest Order

    Our intrepid podcasters delve into hidden traitor mechanics: what they are, what makes them tick, and when they are and are not fun. Then, in the second half of the show, they take a look back at all that's come so far. Or their last nine episodes. One of the two.

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    BONUS | The Real Five Minute Geek Show

    The Five Minute Geek Show is typically around 8 minutes long and about something that no self-respecting geek would ever brush the Cheeto dust from his fingers to discuss. In this bonus episode, your Mildly Alarming hosts demonstrate what a real 5 Minute Geek Show would sound like.

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    9 | An Incredible Amount of Potty Humor

    In this instance of the Mildly Alarming Podcast, the boys discuss a potential mechanic and game ideas for a little while before descending into doodie humor. If that doesn't drive you screaming into the hills, stick around for two new segments: Wrong About Books and Mildly Alarming Theater.

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    BONUS | Mildly Alarming Plays a Board Game - Lakebilly

    Our first installment of "Mildly Alarming Plays a Boardgame". We play through Lakebilly Card Game from Dog Might Games and reminisce about our childhood. Because of the theme of the game in question, this one gets a little more blue than our usual stuff. The swears are all edited out, but there are still some adult themes. Consider yourself warned.

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    8 | Trolls vs Dragons!

    This week's episode starts off with a first look at another new game concept in which trolls fight dragons for pigs and/or gold. The second segment sees the return of Booze 'n the News, where we discuss hard hitting topics from coffee-drinking parrots to Tom's tiny p... err... flip phone. Also, we drink gin.

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    7 | Serious Business for a Serious World

    In this episode, we discuss how board games can be educational and if there is any value to making a distinction between regular games and educational ones. Then we switch gears and talk about the news of the day, because when you think important, hard-hitting commentary on the great issues of our time, you think Tom and Johannes' board game podcast.

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    6 | This Probably Isn't Ok

    In this episode, our heroes discuss making board games more inclusive before spending half an hour critiquing the allergies of an actual person. The color blind, the allergic, and the tasteful will all find something to hate about the hosts by the end of this one.

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    5 | Our Deeply Flawed Design Process

    Warning: The content in this episode is a bit less family friendly than in past episodes and - while most of the questionable language is censored with delightful chicken noises - you may want to take a pass on the second segment if that's not your speed.

    This week we talk about the Karate Kid for two and half minutes before we even begin to touch on any real content. Eventually, we move on to a gripping discussion of our game design process, a conversation we hope will help other fledgling designers to fine tune their own processes, and veterans of the industry to experience measureless mirth at our many and varied mistakes. The second section allows a brief and potentially horrifying glimpse into our broken, addled minds as we turn on the mics during a discussion of sex scenes in sci-fi/fantasy books.

    It's classy, professional content.

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    4 | Player Types and the Return of Freeway Noise

    Seriously, so much freeway noise.

    Buckle up, kids; this is a long one. In this episode, we discuss the different player types you are likely to encounter while boardgaming, and drunkenly bumble our way through an article on the efficacy of different card shuffling methods. Tom's house is nearly shaken to pieces by passing traffic, Johannes says "interesting" more times than he can count, and poop is referenced more than can really be considered professional. It's a wild ride.

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    3 | Love, Hate, Rule Books, and a Word from Our Sponsor

    On today's episode we delve into games we like and games we don't like so much, some of the reasons why we feel that way, and the etymology of the word "maths". In the Game Mechanics section, we fall off the wagon only three episodes in by talking about rule books, which aren't really a mechanic at all.

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    2 | Wikisleuth (With Special Guest, Freeway Noise)

    In this episode, our discussion is lost to the endless and unforgiving void as some sort of interference borks the first 40 minutes of the show. We also talk about the next steps in developing Wikisleuth, a game based on the Wikipedia mechanic we spitballed in the last episode. As a very special treat, we've included a tremendous amount of background noise from the major expressway no more than 25 feet from our microphones.

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    1 | In Which We Alienate 90% Of Our Potential Listeners

    In our first episode we discuss video game addiction, brown recluse spiders, and an idea for a game mechanic that uses Wikipedia as an integral part of play. Tom barely contains his rage at strangers on the internet and Johannes boards the ADHD train to Incoherencyville.

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